Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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