wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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