I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
