My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
