You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Text me some of your sweat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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