You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
