i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
