Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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