I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
