u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
