god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
