my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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