Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The best revenge is premature balding
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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