No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
