Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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