Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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