If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
