Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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