i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
