this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
