There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
