Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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