how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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