she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Congratulations! We have a period
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
