At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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