he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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