I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
