I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
