I can tuck mytits in my pants
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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