Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
