That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
