I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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