i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
