Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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