Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i now understand why vodka
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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