Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
