I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
