sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
