Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
