A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
