Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
