closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
