i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
