I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize