my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
