she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
