You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
