All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize