I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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