Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize