Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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