I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
