I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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