Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
