I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
