I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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