I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
