I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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