I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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