I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
