I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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