had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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