Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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