This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
