Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
