quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
