In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
