I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
