I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
