he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
