Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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