i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
