Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
