On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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