it was like eating out sand paper
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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