it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
