Betty ford says i'm here all night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
