She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
