If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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