I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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