So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
