omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
