1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there was a trapeze. enough said
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
