her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
