Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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